If Google sold underwear ...

...they'd be called UNDERGOOS.

HST revisited

Remember all the colorful, funny, rueful stories that circulated after Hunter S. Thompson killed himself? Forget all that! writes Michael Capuzzo, an author who once admired HST but now says he was just a narcissistic, theatrical, cruel con man.
[sptimes.com]

FELDSTEIN DEFENDS CHRON!

Dan Feldstein: "My idea."
--------------------------------
Houston Chronicle reporter Dan Feldstein has issued a communique denying that his employer was "shamed or forced" into publishing the newspaper's front-page story on Sunday concerning the spending habits of the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo.

In a comment directed to this morning's post in The Brazosport News, Feldstein wrote:

Actually, Banjo, nobody shamed or forced anything. When the Wayne vs. Rodeo tiff hit the paper, I thought a follow-up was a can't miss. My idea. Who wouldn't read a story about those two tangling? Beginning and end of issue. My e-mail inbox is full. Pure fun! How are the wife and kid? Regards, Feldstein

Feldstein, who it should be noted is a personal friend of this Bloggerville scribe, thus appears to be taking full responsibility for the fatwah issued by Chronicle Editor Jeff Cohen that calls for newspaper employees to cease and desist from using free rodeo tickets and free drink coupons that routinely are handed out by rodeo glad-handers.

Why?

Because his story delved into what TV muckraker Wayne Dolcefino apparently wanted to put on television during the rodeo hootenanny, and he couldn't very well leave out the part about media freebies with a clear conscience.

Ergo, he had to plop the media freebie question squarely into the lap of Editor/M.C. Cohen.

Now Chron employees will have to pay for their own rodeo tickets and adult beverages! A half-century media tradition -- gone in a blink of an eye. And all because of Feldstein. Or Dolcefino. Or M.C. Cohen. Or all three of them! Oh the tangled web, and the horror.

What's the next shoe to drop?

KTRK-TV has been embarrassingly quiet about the two-week work stoppage by its star investigative reporter after management put the cattywampus on the big rodeo scoop.

Feldstein's story suggested it was due to the ABC affiliate's desire to partner with the rodeo for some kind of festival that's in the planning stages.

Here in Bloggerville, it looks like Channel 13's mum stance falls well within the bounds of "the wussification of Texas" trend that is being targeted for exploitation by maverick gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman.

Friedman needs to jump on this and call out Channel 13.

Furthermore, we await the pearls of wisdom that the Chronicle editorial board might impart concerning the rodeo's spending habits. Will the board speak, or will it wussy out like their TV counterparts over on Bissonnet Boulevard?

Moreover, now that we think about it -- WWMD?

Which is to say, What Would Marvin Do?

As in, Ma-a-a-rvinnn Zindler -- Eyewitness News. Surely he should tell Channel 13 viewers who's right and who's wrong. He does just that Monday through Friday about everyone else's wrongdoing. What say you, Herr Zindler??
[B'portNews]

Milo Hamilton's excellent product placement and the Astros' one-armed first baseman

Milo Hamilton in his Hall of Fame photo
------------------------------------
Milo Hamilton, the radio play-by-play man for the Astros, knows who's butterin' his bread, and for that he should be recognized.

We're only four games into the season, with the fifth game about to start, and already he has shown he is a master at product placement.

Last night, when pinch hitter Jose Vizcaino smashed a game-winning, ninth-inning double to right field, Milo, a seasoned broadcaster at 77 years old, did not allow the excitement of the play to divert him from noting excitedly that the hit landed "up against the Landmark Chevrolet sign!"

Earlier, when the Cards were in town, St. Louis outfielder Reggie Sanders hit a home right into the right field seats "over the Landmark Cheverolet sign," Milo informed listeners.

It really puts you right there in Minute Maid Park, even though you're at home or in your car listening to the game on the radio, and, if you're like me, makes you want to see the USA in a Chevrolet.

Meanwhile, the question of how bad the right shoulder of Astros' first baseman Jeff Bagwell should be clear to all at this early stage of the baseball season.

Last night, with a Reds runner on 2nd base, there was a groundball and a throw to Bagwell at 1st for the out, followed immediately by 2nd baseman Craig Biggio and pitcher Brandon Bakke rushing to first base in case the runner on 2nd tried to advance to 3rd base.

It's a play the Astros worked on in spring training, radio analyst Alan Ashby noted.

Bagwell can hardly throw the ball to third base, so the plan is for him to flip the ball to the pitcher or the second baseman so they can throw the ball to third, if need be.

It should make for some interesting score cards. A double play in that situation could have been 1-3-4-5. A baseball version of the old flea flicker.

Jeff Bagwell, as seen in his 1991 Topps rookie card

Dolcefino scores! Shames Chron into forsaking rodeo freebies

KTRK-TV reporter Wayne Dolcefino's two-week absence from work kinda has a happy ending.

Dolcefino was ticked his employer, Channel 13, canned his planned expose' of the lavish spending habits of the non-profit Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo, so he stayed home to protest.

The Houston Chronicle got enough letters from readers wondering what was going on that it was shamed into concluding it better find out what Wayne found out. It even put one of its top reporters on the story, Dan Feldstein.

It turns out the rodeo spends a preposterous amount of money to furnish its offices and provide free booze to its friends and volunteers. And, oh, by the way, they give free tickets and free drink coupons to media organizations that provide the interminable, over-the-top coverage of the world's largest rodeo.

(The Chron was quick to point out that only two of its employees made use of the free drink coupons while a shocking seventeen Channel 13 employees used them, which the newspaper evidently felt gave it the moral high ground.)

In addition, the media freebies gave Chronicle Editor Jeff Cohen an opening to flex his ethical muscles and declare the city's only newspaper won't be accepting any more free tickets ("outside our sponsorship agreements"), which should further endear him to rank and file employees who will feel better about themselves now that they've been ethically cleansed from on high.

It is unclear when Cohen discovered the newspaper was accepting rodeo freebies, but if it took putting one of his top newshounds on the Dolcefino story to learn of this tradition, that's not a good sign since he's been captain of the Chronicle ship the past three years.

But maybe some of those "sponsorship agreements" tickets Cohen mentioned can find their way to deserving Chron employees, or executives, whatever.

All in all, we'll give credit where credit's due -- to Dolcefino -- for raising enough of a stink regarding his employer's behavior that the Chronicle swallowed hard and grudgingly took a rare look at one of Houston's most sacred bovines.

Wayne Dolcefino, TV newsman
[houstonchronicle.com]

A message from Kinky Friedman:

Since I've launched my spiritual quest to resurrect the Independent spirit of Sam Houston and Teddy Roosevelt and make that Lone Star shine again, I've been amazed at the number of you gypsies boarding my pirate ship. With a good tailwind, this ship should be at the governor's mansion by next November.

If we're going survive this cruise, the first step is getting my name on the ballot. The major parties have, of course, made this a very difficult task. But this is just the first port of call on the voyage, nothing we can't do if we all pitch in and start right away. Y'all need to do the Kinkster a favor and download the Kinky Kit and start signing up your friends and family: click here.

This puppy has already set sail. We'll be in Austin on April 20th for "A
Spiritual Walk For Independence" across the UT campus. For more details on
that event click here.

Please, y'all, spread the Kinky gospel. We're just getting started.

Thank you,

Kinky Friedman

The shame of Alvin, Texas

Here's the wind-up ... and the pitch.

The statue of Nolan Ryan, in front of Alvin City Hall,
catches the famous baseball pitcher in mid-delivery, about to fire one
of his famous fastballs, a fastball that was just about as fast as any
baseball pitcher has ever thrown.

Look closer, into his eyes.

Is that a look of steely determination, or is it a look of terrorized, confused
distress that says, "Look what they've done to me, Ma. Look what
they've done."

Owing to the generous smearing of bird dookie atop his bronze cap and
jersey, the latter interpretation of the Hall of Fame pitcher's visage seems
more likely than the former.

Yes, Nolan Ryan moved away from Alvin a few years ago.

But he's still Nolan Ryan of Alvin.

He always will be.

In TV commercials, he's the young Nolan Ryan wearing the Alvin All
Stars jersey.

At Alvin Community College, he's the reason there's a treasure trove
of Nolan Ryan memorabilia at the Nolan Ryan Exhibit Center.

At Joe's Barbecue, the best restaurant in town, he's the guy in the
autographed, poster-size pictures that are on the walls of the back
dining room.

And in front of City Hall, he's the guy memorialized by a
statue that is splattered with bird excrement that appears to have been
there a long, long time.

Now, think about that.

City Hall. The center of government, where people come to work
Monday through Friday, where citizens go to conduct business, where the people's
elected representatives meet regularly to attend to the important
issues of the day.

And they all walk by that statue.

Hasn't anyone noticed what a disgrace they have right in front of
their hall of government? Does anyone care?

Will a Cub Scout pack have to "adopt" the statue to right this
wrong? Will the Kiwanis, the Rotarians, the Alvin Senior Citizens Sewing
Circle have to step into the breach?

Who will grab a bucket and mop and pinch hit for the ineffectual powers-that-be?

But wait.

Is there a stirring in the home team's bullpen? Is that the mayor,
the City Council, the city manager warming up? Might one of them see
fit to assign a city employee the task of taking a little time each
month to properly represent Alvin's most famous favorite son?

Or, will they let the home team down?

Blame it on the birds, will they? Mother Nature?

Birds, probably grackles, are the problem? Roosting in the oak
tree, are they?

Quitters never win, and winners never quit.

KILL THE BIRDS!

There's no "i" in team.

CHOP DOWN THE TREE!

Suck it up. Do something.

MOVE THE STATUE!

Just do something, anything, to
make it right.

Nolan and baseball and Alvin deserve better.

There's no crying in baseball, the saying goes, but this mess is a crying shame.

Yahoo! parody, submitted 4 yer approval, or not

Some people spent a great deal of time and effort putting together this parody of Yahoo! that is called Sixfoo 660. To me, it's not funny ha-ha, which may owe to my non-techie nature, but for you, who knows?

Kilroy('s blog) was here

American soldiers fighting in Iraq are blogging anonymously about it on sites such adayiniraq.com, reports Investor's Business Daily.

Over the past two years, thousands of U.S. soldiers have become part of the estimated 8 million people worldwide who are writing blogs.

They use their own laptops or stroll into Army canteens that have Web PCs, visit a free blog-creation site and start typing away.

One GI has been disciplined for breaching security via his blog, but the Pentagon has not shut down the blogs, saying that standing rules against disclosing sensitive information in emails and letters are used to cover weblogs.

(The Mudville Gazette is another soldier blog, written by a GI and his wife, cited in the story.)

[investors.com]

KIOL switching to 103.7 signal

A new format is planned for 97.5 FM, reports Radio & Records.

Moving trucks have been spotted in the vicinity of Cumulus Rocker KIOL/Houston, which is poised to annex the 103.7 signal of currently silent sister KUST on April 23. Cumulus Market Manager Pat Fant tells ST the Rock will spew forth on both signals until around the second week in May, when 97.5 will flip to a new, top-secret format and 103.7 will become KIOL's new home.

[radio&recordsstreettalk]

Bruce to play Dallas, not Houston

Bullcrap.
[brucespringsteen.net]

Chocolatey goodness leakage

Just like the second-hand clunker in your driveway, finely tuned industrial behemoths have freon leaks too. Damn seals.
[emissions report 56262]

Time travel

Bill Crider, the writer who lives in Alvin, asks if time travel is possible. He concludes that it is, and he doesn't like it. Pick one or the other, standard time or daylight savings time. Just pick one. Amen.
[billcridersblog]

State Sen. Kyle Janek had enough?

State Sen. Kyle Janek has an office in Lake Jackson, though no one here would recognize him on aisle 13 in Wal-Mart. There's talk he might not run again. Sounds like a perfect opening for that tireless champion of the purple sage shrubbery, St. Rep. Dennis Bonnen, who's always had that hungry look in his eye.
[gregsopinion]

Industrial indigestion

In the parlance of our petrochemical times, chemical facilities and oil refineries have "upsets." It's a word everyone understands and accepts without question. Like having too much of that spicy chili last night. Industrial upsets lead to "emissions" that must be sent to the "flare." The human equivalent is the "breaking of wind" or, in the parlance of our times, the "fart," a term also easily understood though sometimes resulting in social shunning.
[emissions report 56160]
[emissions report 56159]
[emissions report 56158]

Why baseball games are long

The umpires don't enforce Rule 8.04:

When the bases are unoccupied, the pitcher shall deliver the ball to the batter within 20 seconds after he receives the ball. Each time the pitcher delays the game by violating this rule, the umpire shall call "Ball." The intent of this rule is to avoid unnecessary delays. The umpire shall insist that the catcher return the ball promptly to the pitcher, and that the pitcher take his position on the rubber promptly. Obvious delay by the pitcher should instantly be penalized by the umpire.

Or Rule 6.02:

6.02
(a) The batter shall take his position in the batter's box promptly when it is his time at bat. (b) The batter shall not leave his position in the batter's box after the pitcher comes to Set Position, or starts his windup. PENALTY: If the pitcher pitches, the umpire shall call "Ball" or "Strike," as the case may be. The batter leaves the batter's box at the risk of having a strike delivered and called, unless he requests the umpire to call "Time." The batter is not at liberty to step in and out of the batter's box at will. Once a batter has taken his position in the batter's box, he shall not be permitted to step out of the batter's box in order to use the resin or the pine tar rag, unless there is a delay in the game action or, in the judgment of the umpires, weather conditions warrant an exception. Umpires will not call "Time" at the request of the batter or any member of his team once the pitcher has started his windup or has come to a set position even though the batter claims "dust in his eyes," "steamed glasses," "didn't get the sign" or for any other cause. Umpires may grant a hitter's request for "Time" once he is in the batter's box, but the umpire should eliminate hitters walking out of the batter's box without reason...

Of course, if umpires started calling balls when pitchers didn't deliver a pitch within 20 secons, or balls and strikes every time batters stepped out of the box "at will," civil disorder might ensue. Personally, I don't care that Major League Baseball games tend to last a long time. It's the nature of the sport, part of the charm, as Tom Kirkendall at Houston's Clear Thinkers might (or might not) say.

The Yankees play the Red Sox tonight. Astros play the Cardinals Tuesday.
[official rules of baseball]

IFOC News is on the air

Laurence Simon launches news parody site. No cat pictures, either!
[ifocnews]

And now, for something completely different

A blog devoted to blinking: [blinkorama]

NRA & ACLU agree on guns -- IN TEXAS!!

Stop the presses!

[gritsforbreakfast]