Sunday, May 16, 2004

Deadwood's Deleted Dialogue

In Deadwood, the bloody and profane HBO series about the Old West, the characters utter foul language at such a rapid clip that some viewers question whether the show accurately reflects everyday language in the 1870s.

The dialogue isn't just salty. It's salted, peppered and marinated overnight in a stew of f-words, p-words and dreaded c-words.

Historically accurate? Don't know.

Some suspect the verbal assault spat from the cast of thieves, whores and murderers is more a product of our own profanity-laden times instead of a true depiction of the lexicon in pre-territorial Dakota land.

Wisely, though, story editors realized some dialogue in the original scripts were, in fact, embarrasingly reflective of the young script writers' current life experiences rather than a reflection of covered wagon days. Those scenes were cut or rewritten.

The deleted scenes somehow slipped into the hands of The Brazosport News.

Episode 3
Wild Bill Hickock, drinking heavily while mired in a losing streak at the poker table, talks about the last man he killed:
"Dog, I popped a cap in his ass. The mo'fo got in my face and was disrespecting me big time. And I was like, `Bam! Bam!' And he was all, `Whoa, dude.' "

Episode 5
Saloonkeeper/brothel owner Al Swearengen instructs Trixy the prostitute to make sure widowed society matron Alma Garret resumes her opium use so he can cheat her out of her gold claim:

Swearengen: "I want her higher than `Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.'
Trixy: "She's Jones-ing big-time now."
Swearengen: "I want her trippin' her ass off."
Trixy: "I'm down with that, Al."

Episode 6
Smallpox strikes Deadwood. Doc Cochran tells the camp's leaders what must be done:
"I want that vaccine -- STAT!"

Episode 10
Hotelier E.B. Farnum reacts to his appointment as mayor of the fledgling Deadwood government:
"Is that not totally awesome? I'm geeked, dude. Totally."

Episode 2
Following Custer's Last Stand at the Battle of Little Big Horn, newspaperman
A.W. Merrick talks about the story with Swearengen.
Merrick: "The native Americans lured Custer into a trap."
Swearengen: "The who?"
Merrick: "The native Americans."
Swearengen: "Holy crap. The Pioneer's gone multicultural."

Episode 8
Calamity Jane, after Wild Bill Hickock's death, goes on a grief-induced drinking binge, then returns to Deadwood and is confronted by a friend.

Jane: "How am I? My fuckin' head hurts. I've been fuckin' drunk for 5 days!"
Friend: "One's too many and a hundred's not enough."
Jane: "Here's a quarter. Call someone who cares."
Friend: "Jane, you're powerless over alcohol."
Jane: "I forgot my higher power."
Friend: "One day at a time, Jane. Progress, not perfection."

Episode 9
Seth Bullock, former lawman-turned-shopkeeper, makes a play for Alma Garret, but must first explain his current marital situation.
Bullock: "I'm in a transitional period."
Garret: "There are lots of available women here in Deadwood."
Bullock: "Hos & bitches. Skanks."
Garret: "Well..."
Bullock: "YO, I'd like to hang with you."
Garret: ""
Bullock: "Is that cool?"
Garret: "Word."
Bullock: "Yesss!"
Moments later, they're entwined in the dance of lust, on the floor.
(Fade to black, bring up banjo music)

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