The annals of presidential thumbnails

In time, all the American presidents acquire a thumbnail sketch as the various biographies pile up, the columnists and talking heads chime in, the revisionists have their say and college professors hone their lectures.

Somehow, the whole thing gets boiled down, and then is rolled up in a nice compact ball of doodie for mass consumption.

Here's the rundown as it now stands:

Eisenhower -- WW 2 hero who, before leaving office, warned country about military-industrial complex about to take over.

JFK -- dashing, charistmatic horndog martyrized in Dallas.

LBJ -- rude, crude, politically astute Texan undone by Vietnam War who tried to help American black folk; picked up pet beagle by ears for photo op; took horrendous dumps in front of aides while dictating orders.

Nixon -- paranoiac son of Quakers who wound up babbling to portraits on walls before resigning to avoid sure removal from office for "Watergate scandal": wore dark suit and tie at the beach; sweated profusely and drank heavily under pressure; made nice with Communist China.

Ford -- decent Midwesterner who could have played pro football; gave up Scotch to help wife kick demon rum and painkillers; skied and golfed frequently; credited with healing nation after weird Nixonian excesses.

Carter -- pious, idealistic Georgia peanut farmer whose alcoholic brother gave the world Billy Beer; attacked once by a crazed rabbit while canoeing; wore sweaters and kept an eye on White House thermostat; admitted in Playboy Magazine to lust in his heart.

Reagan -- former movie actor and TV host who was quick with a quip and maddeningly absent minded; sported a full head of hair that never betrayed a strand or grey; liked to ride horses; credited with winning Cold War with communists.

George H.W. Bush -- New Englander blue-blood transplanted to Texas with most impressive pre-presidential government resume in history of the universe; won first Gulf War despite "wimp" label; went skydiving at age 80.

Clinton -- horndog, JFK wannabe and policy wonk who was pilloried for intern-administered blow jobs in Oval Office.

George W. Bush -- politically inexperienced son of president known for public malaprops; invaded Middle East after Muslim fanatics attacked U.S.; self-fashioned "Native Texan" who nonetheless wept often; loved to joke around, entertaining cronies with oddly effective "Dr. Evil" impressions.

And history stumbles on ...