Dow blames rogue execs on bogus rumor

Since late February the legions of people here in the Petrochemical Underarm who owe their lives and mortgages to Dow Chemical have been wondering if the published rumors of Dow's impending sale and subsequent dismantling were true.

The short answer is no.

The long answer is two high-ranking Dow executives allegedly were holding unauthorized talks with prospective buyers.

These guys -- a Brazilian and an Argentinian -- have been shitcanned by Dow's top exec, an Australian, it says here.

So now the Texas branch of Dow Nation can go back to the important and underappreciated business of making plastic, and all that it entails, without wondering if Arabs were gonna take over the company store.

All employees (including contract workers) and annuitants are urged not to remove their portraits of company founder Herbert H. Dow (pictured) from their homes and offices. That is all.