The recreational vehicle dilemma

There's low talk going around town that something might have to be done about Lake Jackson's "RV problem."

RV is short for "recreational vehicle."

Walk up and down just about any "middle class" street in Lake Jackson and you can see what the deal is. RVs are parked in the driveway, or next to the driveway on the grass, all over the place.

If you own one of said vehicles on wheels, that's a status symbol, proof that either you do indeed own a "second vacation home" or have too much disposable income.

If you don't own of those wheeled vehicles, it gives you the feeling you're living in an RV park. Look out your window and you don't see the greenery of God's handiwork, you see your neighbor's Prowler (which more than likely has been sitting there, unmoved and unused, since last 4th of July.)

Those who don't own an RV figure this depresses their property value. The protection of property value is the last of two battlegrounds left in Texas, after the Red Man and Santa Anna's army were conquered.

'Course, if you do own an RV, it's a property rights issue, property rights being the second of the last two battlegrounds left in Texas after the Red Man, Santa Anna, etc., etc.

You may wonder why someone owns one of these things, as they seem to be used once, maybe twice every 365 days. I can't answer, but have been told it's a psychological security blanket, if not a viable means of escape.

The thinking is, if things get really, really bad, either with the marriage or maybe with an invasion of Muslims, the RV's there in the driveway, ready to be driven or pulled to Wyoming, where you forage off the land and still have a satellite hook-up to watch Sportscenter. (Never mind that it'll cost you $50 worth of gas to get across the county line.)

That doesn't solve the "eyesore" issue.

The "solution," according to the low talk being heard around town (Lake Jackson), is to require these RVs to be placed behind a fence.

This will be good for the fence companies, for sure, and the contractors who'll be hired to extend driveways and such as that.

The feeling is, you require the RVs to be parked behind a fence, you solve the eyesore/property value problem and still respect property rights by keeping the wheeled vehicle within a short walking distance of the RV owner in case he needs to hit the road (or needs extra room for when those annoying second cousins show up for another unannounced visit when the flounder are running.)

Based on personal experience, this is no solution at all, as my backyard neighbor already has his Prowler positioned behind a fence. It's there every day, well visible above the top of the fenceline. It's gone once or twice a year for a couple days at a stretch, but never for very long.

It gives the backyard view that special RV park feel. I try real hard to imagine I'm camping out near a big, two-hearted river, using the mind-over-matter technique espoused by actress Shirley MacLaine, but it doesn't work as I quickly am brought back to reality by the faint smell of benzene.

A partial solution was found shortly after the arrival of the backyard neighbor's RV -- plant two big, fast-growing trees that have lots of leaves.

This was accomplished during the summer months and it worked pretty good. The RV shield, however, soon vanished. The trees, it turns out, were the kind that lose their leaves in the winter. The trees are bare at this writing. And the RV is still there, in full view, in all its glory.