You know you need a new lawyer when ...

# During your initial consultation, he
tries to sell
you some Amway products.
# He tells you his last good case was a
"Budweiser"
# When the prosecutors see who your
lawyer is, they
high-five each other.
# He picks the jury by playing "Eeeenie,
meeeenie,
miiiiiiny, moe".
# During the trial, you catch him
playing his Gameboy.
# The Court Bailiff starts shaving your
head during
your first court appearance.
# Every couple of minutes, he yells, "I
call Jack
Daniels to the stand!" and downs a shot.
# He frequently gives juror number 4 the
finger.
# He places a large "NO REFUNDS" sign on
the defense
table.
# He begins his closing argument with,
"As Ally McBeal
once said..."
# Just before he says "Your Honor", he
makes little
quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
# The sign in front of his office reads
"Practicing
law since 2:30pm"
# Whenever his objection is overruled,
he tells the
judge, "Whatever."
# He giggles every time he hears the
word "briefs."

(Submitted respectfully by Brazosport News reader Tom Bazan.)