Thursday, May 19, 2005

There's a lesson here, kids

A middle school honors student in the Klein district got a 10-day suspension and may have to do 30 days of hood instruction (ie., alternative school) because he "half-mooned" another student who drove by honking his horn at him. Life is tough, bro.

This reminds me of when I was a sophomore in high school. Our football team was playing Galveston Ball High School in a bi-district playoff game at Rice Stadium.

I wasn't on the varsity team yet, but the coaches put the junior varsity, sophomore and freshman players on school buses and we all rode to the game together.

We lost the game, thanks to the amazing passing arm of Galveston QB Kerry Jackson.

After we all piled on the buses to go home, we got stuck in traffic outside the stadium. I was sitting up near the front of the bus, and everyone was relatively quiet cause you weren't supposed to have any fun if you lost, even if you just watched the game from the spectator stands.

All a sudden, there was a boom and the bus lurched forward. Then, another boom, and bus lurched forward again. The coach driving the bus put the vehicle in park to see who the hell was bumping his school bus.

Then, someone was knocking on the door of the bus wanting in. The coach let the person in, and up stepped Mr. Ellis, who was president of the Goose Creek Consolidated Independent School District Board. It was him bumping the bus with his car! But why? Why would he do that?

"Coach," Mr. Ellis said, stepping up the bus steps. "You've got a couple boys in the back of the bus pulling their britches down in the window."

The lights went up and the coach marched to the back of the bus. The two guilty parties were identified. And then the bus got real quiet.

To make matters worse, it wasn't just Mr. Ellis in the car directly behind our bus. Mrs. Ellis was with him!

Needless to say, this reflected poorly on the football program, which was attempting to instill the virtues of citizenship and honor in its young charges.

But did the two mooning football players get suspended or get sent to hood school or get charged with lewdness for their violation of Mr. and Mrs. Ellis' peace and dignity?


But they did get hit with a large wooden paddle on their practically bare butts (wearing only gym shorts) every day for an extended period of time. The paddle was wielded by a large coach, and each whack resonated throughout the fieldhouse, where the football squads gathered each afternoon. Both boys grew up to to be fine young men with broad shoulders who now, probably, are fine middle-aged men who are guilty, so far as I know, of no other unlawful behavior.

So what's the lesson here, boys and girls?

Always know who's looking when you're mooning.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The lunacy of Texas law with respect to this kind of adolescent behavior is more than a simple hypocrisy or even travesty of the intent of CPS regs. It is a guaranteed way to create a monster of this kid once he is literally labeled a "sex offender" for behavior once considered nothing more than silly.