Thursday, May 12, 2005

O'Reilly calls out Chronicle; Chron won't come out to play

Bill O'Reilly is a buffoon, as he and his staff proved the other night when it entirely misquoted a Houston Chronicle editorial regarding how Florida is dealing with child killers.

The Houston Chronicle, on the other hand, is wussified, as it proved tonight when it declined to send someone on O'Reilly's Fox News Channel program.

"The Chronicle is afraid," O'Reilly crowed.

Then he introduced Dan Patrick, the Houston-based radio talk show buffoon, who happily lambasted the Houston Chronicle as a liberally biased newspaper that has been hijacked by out-of-state liberals who have been brought in to run the business.

Patrick claimed credit for reducing the Chron's circulation by 10,000 when he called for a boycott the last time the paper ran afoul of his standards.

"They're a dinosaur like other liberal rags in the country. They'll be out of business in a decade," Patrick declared.

That prediction, of course, is ridiculously wrong, but what do you expect from Dan Patrick?

More baffling is the timidity of the Chron. Take O'Reilly on, you weenies. Yeah, sure, he would have cut you off in mid-sentence, repeatedly no doubt, but by not showing up you not only give him the last word, but the only word, and to top it off, you give Dan Patrick world-wide face-time while you hide inside chewing on the corner of the your blankie, afraid of O'Reilly, the Big Bad Wolf.

Message to James Howard Gibbons, Jeff Cohen and the rest of the merry Chronicle crew: grow some 'nads.

Banjo's Mini Poll

Should the Chron sack up and go on O'Reilly's show? VOTE NOW in the mini poll located in the sidebar to the right!
Results of our presidential poll: McCain 33%, Rice 22%, Gingrich 15%, H. Clinton 13%, Schwarzenegger 6%, DeLay 6%, Frist 2%, Gore 2%, Allen 2%, Bayh 0. Total votes cast: 54
[Lone Star Times]


Anonymous said...

Gutless Chronicle rat bastards. Feed them to the jackels. This is no time for a complacent pack of lard-ass waterheads to commandeer a major market publication. Send a missive to my cohort Maddog Burgin. He'll know what to do by God, and he'll do it with the swiftness and savagely of a copy editor leaning on a delete key during the depths of an ether binge.

Hunter S.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sir:

Mr. O'Reilly would like us to stop reminding people every time we see or hear his name that he is in fact a draft-dodging fraud, who lied about growing up among the working class. He would also prefer that we quit pointing out that despite his claims of taking the moral high road, he wrote a less-than sophomoric novel containing graphic depictions of cunnilingus, and that he not only christens dildos, but also touches himself in an unpure manner whenever he talks on the phone.
He'd like this - but it will never, ever happen.

Oveta H.
Purgatory TX

Laurence said...

I find all of this horribly confusing.

I prefer the Chronicle over Bill O'Reilly because I have yet to be able to start the coals in my grill with a lit wad of Bill O'Reilly.

Not for a lack of trying.

Banjo Jones said...

The Factor has a few books out, Laurence. Maybe pick up a few at Half Price. Good, heavy stock paper, I'm told.