Gov. Arnold and Mr. Charm

As victory speeches go, Calif. Gov.-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger's remarks last night were a major disappointment.

Would it not have been much better had he not bounded out to the podium and yelled, "Cauli-forn-ya! I WANT TO PUMP YOU UP!!"

Then he should have twirled wife Maria Shriver over his head in a helicopter manuever.

Maria put the cattywampus on that option by wearing a dress, not that that would have dissuaded the old Arnold, who was said at one time to have spotted a braless woman wearing a sweatshirt in a restaurant with the slogan "Heaven" written across the front, which he promptly lifted and asked, "Are these heaven?"

The response to those and other purported hijinks elicited outrage from some of the same gals who defended President's Clinton's Oval Office fellatings. At least Arnold wasn't in public office when he behaved caddishly.

In the end, though, women across the political spectrum choose to stand behind their men, like Tammy Wynette once warbled about.

Dwight Eisenhower's Mamie, President Clinton's Hillary, Arnold's Maria, LJB's Lady Bird. Men in high places, they seem to be telling us, just can't help but being pigs.

While Arnold's past antics caused us to wince for Maria's sake, the spectacle provided by recalled Calif. Gov. Gray Davis evoked memories of Tricky Dick Nixon.

Both men were aloof, impersonal and stiff as a board on stage. Gray Davis just had better hair.

On Larry King a few days before the recall vote, a caller phoned in to say he had lost his job and what could the governor do about it? Davis, very polititely, said he would be glad to write the caller a letter of recommendation.

On the campaign trail, Davis reminded one crowd of the important role illegal immigrants play in California's economy. California needs those people to wash the dishes, mow the lawns, and so forth. The audience to whom Davis addressed those observations was composed entirely of middle-class Hispanics, legal residents who have jobs and mortgages. They sat in uncomfortable silence, and a few days later, many of them voted Davis out of office.

At least Arnold knew his audience and what they wanted. A little razz-ma-tazz, a little soft shoe and an `Hasta la vista, Gray.'