Anger Management

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(Editor's note: Felix S., a reader in Southern California, sends us this story, which may or may not be apocryphal. I post, you decide.)

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need
>>to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know,
>>take it out on someone you don't know.
>> >
>> > I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
>>forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
>>answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I
>>please speak with Robin
>> > Carter?"
>> >
>> > Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe
>>that anyone could be so rude.
>> >
>> > I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had
>>transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging
>>up with her, I decided
>> > to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the
>>phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
>> >
>> > I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
>>put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying
>>bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an
>>asshole!" It always cheered me up.
>> >
>> > When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic
>>'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and
>>said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm
>>calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He
>>yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
>> > I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
>>asshole!"
>> > One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
>>spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I
>>had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been
>>waiting for that spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"
>>sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
>> > A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
>>had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the
>>BMW asshole, too.
>> >
>> > I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
>> > "Yes, it is."
>> > "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
>> > "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and
>>the car's parked right out in front."
>> >
>> > "What's your name?" I asked.
>> >
>> > "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
>> >
>> > "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
>> >
>> > "I'm home every evening after five."
>> >
>> > "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
>> >
>> > "Yes?"
>> >
>> > "Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number
>>to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two
>>assholes to call.
>> >
>> > But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable
>>as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea.
>> > I called Asshole #1.
>> >
>> > "Hello."
>> >
>> > "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
>> >
>> > "Are you still there?" he asked.
>> >
>> > "Yeah," I said.
>> >
>> > "Stop calling me," he screamed.
>> >
>> > "Make me," I said.
>> >
>> > "Who are you?" he asked.
>> >
>> > "My name is Don Hansen."
>> >
>> > "Yeah? Where do you live?"
>> >
>> > "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with
>>my black Beamer parked in front."
>> >
>> > He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
>>start saying your prayers."
>> >
>> > I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole.">
>> >
>> > Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
>> >
>> > "Hello, asshole," I said.
>> > He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>> > "You'll what?" I said.
>> > "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
>> >
>> > I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
>>right now."
>> >
>> > Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
>>lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there
>>to kill my gay lover.
>> >
>> > Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on
>>West 34th Street.
>> >
>> > I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There
>>I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
>>six squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.
>> >
>> > NOW I feel much better........ Anger management really works!