Small-Town Scandal

On the mean streets of L.J., a rogue cop was loose, leading a double-life in which he appeared, for all intents and purposes, as an upholder of goodness and decency, while behind closed doors he lead a secret life as an Illegal Body Piercer

Do we live in a small town or what?
In the big city, when a cop goes bad, he's usually shaking down dope dealers or hookers. Maybe he's planting weapons or narcotics on criminal suspects that he KNOWS are rotten apples but who are smart enough to stay one step ahead of the law.
Or maybe, if it's a really big city, maybe the rogue cop roughs up evil-doers that have no respect for the law, runs them out of town, then seduces their girlfriend, takes home their pet dog to keep as his own, and drinks all the beer in the bad guy's fridge.
But in Lake Jackson?
Our rogue cops perform illegal body piercing jobs. The Clute-based daily reported on it today.

There's a made-for-TV movie here.
The friendly small-town police officer who maintains a secret body-piercing parlor in the back of his otherwise normal-looking mobile home.
His is a peculiar fetish.
The young ladies and young men he arrests are presented with a choice.
" I can run you into the pokey for a Minor In Possession of Alcohol rap, or we can handle this another way. Have you ever thought about a bellybutton piercing? With your skin coloring, I'd suggest a simple silver loop."
Or:
"You can go downtown for running that redlight, missy, or we could handle this another way. How do you feel about nipple rings? "
As he suggests the alternative, the cop opens his mouth wide to reveal a shiny metal bar that bisects his tongue. He clicks it against his teeth, reaches into his shirt, and starts toying with his own nipple hardware.

Soon, young people all over town are adorned with the rogue cop's handiwork.
Eyebrow rings, nose studs, all manner of hardware suddenly are dangling from the faces and bodies of our youth.

Someone puts 2-and-2 together.

Law enforcement officials offer little comment on the record, hoping the scandal will fade away before it gets on TV.

"Hell's bells, we don't need this kind of publicity!" a city official says in an emergency, closed-door meeting with the police chief. "This could ruin the gains we've made in tourism!"

"Yeah, and what's Dow gonna say? I mean, labia rings and big business just don't mix," adds the city's chamber of commerce president.

"You bet your ass they don't ," adds the mayor. "This is a hell of a note, A HELL OF A NOTE! Why couldn't have just been tattoos. Tattoos wouldn't have been so bad! Now we have kids all over town who jangle when they walk. They're human Slinkys!!"