Home Depot Coming

Home Depot is building a new store in Lake Jackson -- right in Lowe's backyard!
Land is being cleared now for the mammoth new store that will be located catty-corner to Lowe's, its prime competitor in the do-it-yourself home improvement superstore business, and directly behind the Wal-Mart Superstore on Oyster Creek Drive.
Even though Home Depot's new location isn't ideal because it is not on a highway frontage, store officials think they can overcome the disadvantage by offering unusual extra attractions that Lowe's can't match.
Among the options under consideration is the installation of a mechanical bull in a mock rodeo set-up, where patrons can relax with free soft drinks and popcorn while watching kids and adults try their hand at bull riding -- just like Gilley's did at its Pasadena honky tonk during the "Urban Cowboy" craze.
The idea, said an executive who spoke on the condition that he remain anonymous, is to play on different themes in different parts of the country, with the new Lake Jackson store trading on a Texas cowboy theme.
"We may have all the employees wear cowboy hats, chaps and spurs," said the store official.
"In certain urban areas, some of the new Home Depots may trade on a hip hop theme," the executive said, rolling his eyes.
Another feature being considered for the new Lake Jackson Home Depot is a full-service day spa, where husbands can "deposit" their wives for facials, massages, manicures, pedicures, bikini waxes and other services. This, theoretically, would allow the men to spend as much time as they want to look at power tools, gardening equipment and home paneling while the women were pacified in an upscale beauty salon setting.
Local Lowe's executive are mapping out alternative strategies to counteract the new competition.
The store may "jazz up" the uniforms of its employees by dressing its male employees in muscle shirts and its female workers in bar-midriff t-shirt style tops, but officials haven't made a final decision because some employees have complained they resent being turned into "sex objects" to increase the store's profits.
There also is concern among management that dressing its employees in sexier apparel may serve to drive away customers rather than attract more patrons.
"We may have to give all the employees free gym memberships to make this work," observed one official.
Employees are appalled at the idea.
"I mean, like, we're NOT working at a Hooter's. There's a reason there's not a Hooter's in Lake Jackson. Number one, this is a conservative area and number two, there aren't that many girls around here who would really look that good dressed like the Hooter's girls," said one woman. "Most of us think this is totally unbelieveable. We don't believe this is happening."