And They're Off!

Who Will Be The Next King?

Clute Police Chief Mark Wicker must not have received his county-wide law enforcement memo this week, the one that said, "Big 8 Liner Raid Planned! Bring Your Flak Jacket And A Sack Lunch."
Timing is everything, and the seizure of more than 1,200 of the slot machine-like devices happened to occur right after Sheriff Joe King announced he was hanging up his six shooters.
As it happens, Police Chief Wicker has been been mentioned as a possible sheriff's candidate.
Now he's in that zone that former President George H.W. Bush once described as "deep doo-doo."

How can he ask the voters to make him sheriff now?
Couldn't he have invested his money in T Bills instead of 8 Liners?
Wicker protested that if someone had just called him and told him to knock off his 8 Liner activities, he woulda shut her down. Being a law enforcement officer sworn to uphold the law, he said he'd be the last person to break the law.
Translation: Nobody told me about the big 8 Liner bust.
We guess not.
Now he's in the unfortunate position of considering a run for sheriff while waiting to see if he's going to be indicted.

To no one's surprise, Sheriff King endorsed his longtime Chief Deputy, Charlie Wagner, as the rightful heir to the throne.
Wagner, not one to miss an opportunity to help Wicker make himself look even more ridiculous, pointed out to a local reporter today that the police don't call dope dealers and such to tell them to stop their nefarious activities, so why should the authorities have called any of the 8 Liner operators -- meaning the police chief of Clute.
Drop your socks and grab your glockenspiels!
By comparing the Clute police chief to a dope dealer, the race for sheriff has begun in earnest.
Break out the mudflaps!

At Sheriff King's retirement announcement, he was praised as a man among men, a regular Walking Tall Buford Pusser.
We'll always remember the role he played in Angleton banning the use of Silly String during parades. (Background: some kid spooked the sheriff's horse with Silly String, causing the horse to throw said sheriff).
Among those singing hosannas to the outgoing sheriff was Alvin Police Chief Mike Merket, who has been laying the groundwork for a sheriff's race nearly a year now, should King step down.
A Wagner-Merkel sheriff's contest most certainly will be a study in contrasts.
Wagner wears a Stetson and manly footwear, a veritable Yosemite Sam with a look that appeals to the populace in the rural voting precincts.
Merkel is a more of a tassled loafers-type fellow, which should appeal to soccer moms and the intelligentsia. He may blow dry his hair, but we don't know for sure.
Do the majority of Brazoria County voters think the sheriff should wear a Western-style chapeau, since he will oversee other men whose daily attire favors western-style garb? Or is that an anachronistic look more suited to the Dukes of Hazard?
Don't laugh. Voters tend to cast their ballots on image more than substance. If Merkel shows up at the Sweeny Rotary Club wearing a cowboy hat, don't be surprised. On the other hand, Wagner may be shopping for a new pair of wing tips this weekend.

There could be other candidates. It's still early.
Joining Merkel, Wagner and others in hailing Sheriff King as a genuine Texas icon was Highway Patrolman Randy Jones, who's always handy with a quote for the local media when it's time to type up another story about drunken teen-agers on the county's roadways.
Jones' entrace into the campaign would add a certain geopolitical intrigue to the race since he resides West o' the Brazos.
A Jones candidacy would add a triangular effect to the contest, with him pulling in votes on the other side of the river, Merkel laying claim to much of the north end and Wagner concentrating his power base in Brazosport-Angleton. Still, Jones' candidacy remains a Big If since we're advised he would have to take a leave of absence from the Department of Public Safety to run for office.
Then, don't forget, there's a former Pearland Police Chief Mike Hogg, who failed to depose Sheriff King when the memory of naked Missouri felons crawling on the floor of the county jail was still fresh in the minds of the electorate. He's made noises about trying again, but some believe any candidacy he might mount would be pure folly.
The only development that could make the sheriff's race even more delicious would be if Matt Zepeda, Pearland's soon-to-be-ousted justice of the peace, gave up his bid to remain in office and decided he was the right man at the right time to become the next sheriff of Where Texas Began.