Our Mosquito Coast

The mosquitoes are so thick you can't go outside without letting a few indoors. This, you discover, after the lights are out, you've washed your face, brushed your teeth, put on your PJs, and settled under the covers.

BZZZZZzzzz.

Right in the ear. You can swat the air or clap your hands together or get completely under the sheets, but he's indoors.

Dang!

The talk around town is what can the average red-blooded Brazosportian do?

A lot, it turns out.

Here are some ideas:

Purchase some Bounce Fabric Softener Sheets. Wipe them all over your exposed body. Better yet, have a close personal friend do it for you.
Role play, if it helps. This has been field-tested in Louisiana. No, not the role playing, just wiping the sheets on your skin. It's great for babies, they say.

A fisherman we heard about takes one vitamin B-1 tablet a day
April through October. This guy says it works.
The odor the tablet gives out through your skin
(which YOU cannot smell) repels mosquitos, black flies,
and gnat, says the angler, who claims not to have had a mosquito bite in 33 years. (Hmmmm)
Sadly, it does not work on stinging
insects or psychotic ex-wives. Suggested dosage: 100 mg.

The Port of Freeport may not like this, since they import so many of them, but stop eating banannas.
The consumption of banannas seems to make
the mosquitos plunge their stingers into your skin and suck out your blood. This is what we want to avoid. It has something to do with the banana oil
as your body processes it, according to this theory. If you're really into banannas, gorge on them during the winter months, but just say no after the snow melts.

Vick's Vaporub. Yep. Rub it on. Grease up real good. The bloodsuckers will look for more inviting victims. (Again, reference "close personal friend" advice in first home remedy)


Plunge your hands into the rich dark earth and plant marigolds around the yard.
The smell of marigolds is a turnoff to mosquitoes, as well as other members of the insect world. Plus, they're more aesthetically pleasing than, say, crabgrass, thistles, etc.


Some campers say the best repellant is
Avon Skin-So-Soft bath oil mixed about
half and half with alcohol. Do this BEFORE you pitch the tent, gather firewood, apply camoflouge face paint, and load firearms.

Or try this:
20 drops Eucalyptus oil
20 drops Cedarwood oil
10 drops Tea Tree oil
10 drops Geranium oil
2 oz. carrier oil ( such as Jojoba ) Mix together in a 4 oz. container.
Apply to skin as
needed, avoiding the eye area. Keep out of reach
of children and resist the urge to drink any of the mixture to find out if it produces a buzz. Test on a small area of skin for
sensitivities. Experiment with different percentages of essential oil.


Still another remedy is made from the clear real vanilla (not the grocery
store vanilla extract, which is mostly alcohol).
This is the
pure
vanilla that is sold in Mexico. It's cheap there if you
know of someone that lives there or close to the
border. If not, check the Yellow Pages of the Nuevo Laredo phonebook, look under "Coyotoes" and ask if they might be able to deliver some on their next trip north. If that doesn't work, health food stores usually carry it or can order
it for you. Use half vanilla and half water.

We haven't actually tried any of these methods, so don't blame us if you break out in a rash or become the object of scorn and ridicule for resorting to these measures. We hope they work, though. We hate mosquitoes.