Somebody Goofed

Brazoria County didn't get its nose in on the Homeland Security money trough because its "officials" didn't finish the application in time.

The Clute-based daily reported that fact today but didn't tell us who dropped the ball.

What gives?

The county's emergency management director said "we" didn't get the application in on time. The use of the "we" pronoun implies many people at the courthouse should share in the blame. The county judge said he was "upset," but at the same time noted that the county will gets its share on the second go-round because, in fact, the application already has been completed.

He also noted, for our edification, that the lengthy, 162-page application was so daunting that some cities just threw up their hands and said to heck with it. Brazoria County, of course, was not daunted by the voluminous paperwork; it just didn't get the application done in time.

OK, but who screwed up? We would like to think the Clute-based daily asked that question.

If they did ask that question and somebody said no comment, or that they'd rather not say, or that it was the fault of a whole bunch of people, that would have been worth reporting. At least we know they asked. Where does the buck stop?

If they didn't ask that question, well, the people who run the Clute-based daily are either snoozing or playing footsie with Brazoria County officaldom.

Somebody didn't complete the application in time. Who's in charge down there? Who was supposed to do it?

Telemarketing Jihad

The Bush Administration has declared war on telemarketers. Here's how you sign up.
We're really worried. What'll this do to the nice man who calls us regularly to donate to the Highway Patrolman's Fund? We've had many hours of good honest telephone chats with Jim. He's from the Panhandle (his accent shows it!) and has four kids. He's a big Dallas Cowboy fan and lost both his parents at a young age. He seems to very dedicated. The Highway Patrolman's Fund supports the widows and children of Highway Patrolmen who are killed by drug dealers, illegal aliens and serial murderers. If the government stops telemarketers, what'll happen to the widows and children? The next time Jim calls, we anxious to ask him what he thinks. We suggest you think very carefully before you stop the telemarketers from calling you at home.

Precipitation Report

As of 1 p.m., we received 0.4 inch of rain here in Northern Lake Jackson today, but over at Dow it has rained nary a drop, according to a reader. A look at the weather radar indicates more rain is on the way.

Can you say ...

KA-BLOOEEY !*!&!!?

Fireworks warehouse has local folks wondering, "What in the Sam Hill?"

You can't help but wonder what they were thinking.

When the good folks at Black Cat fireworks, who thrill kids and terrify parents with things that explode real loud, decided to build a warehouse next to a gasoline distribution facility, did they ever think, "Uh, maybe we should build this thing next door to something else, like an empty cow pasture?"

We guess not.

Maybe they were thinking storing thousands of pounds of explosive material next door to a fuel depot would cut down on their fuel costs. Or maybe they just liked the close proximity to Highway 288, which is only about 100 yards to the east.

But either way you slice it, the location gives one pause for reflection.

Or, as a patron of the nearby Chevon gas station put it the other day, "Ye-ep. They picked a hell of a place for it."

The Black Cat warehouse is next door to the Oil Patch Brazos Valley gas distribution facility that services Shell-Texaco, which, in turn, is next door to the the Chevon station/food store. This is just north of Angleton on the road to Rosharon. So if you see a big ball of flame hurtling up into the sky any time soon, that's probably what just blew up.

Shopping Notes

Can a store called Good Stuff have stuff too good for B'port shoppers?

We dined the other day at Mother Theresa's, the Italian restaurant across the street from the Lake Theater, when we strolled past the store called "Good Stuff."

Scooter and I went in and were pleasantly surprised to hear some Beatles music on the sound system. Mmmm, the good ole days. "Yeah, they're timeless," observed one of the store employees. We browsed a bit and were even more pleasantly surprised to discover that Good Stuff actually sells "good stuff."

Must be a new truth-in-advertising trend sweeping the town, I muttered.

Scooter observered that Brazosport shoppers are under the misapprehension that they have to go to Houston to buy "good stuff."

"Like, shopping envy?" I inquired.

"Yeah, Sigmund," she replied, knowing I recently had been reading a biography of Sigmund Freud, who had floated a theory that women are afflicted with another sort of envy.

'Course, some retail establishments around these parts DO leave much to be desired. The outfit that took over "A Curious Place" coffee/gift shop has turned the place into something that's not even mildly interesting, much less curious. They even gave it a bland name, "The Other Store."

We had poked fun in the past at the "New Age-y" vibe emanating from A Curious Place, but now we feel bad at our cynical attempt at humor since we miss the place.

Good Stuff used to be located in the same Oyster Creek shopping center (where a car in front of Food King caught fire yesterday), but the owner, Elizabeth Good (get it? Good Stuff/Elizabeth Good?), decided to move over to Circle Way and set up shop next to Cafe Annice, which appears to still be doing a brisk business.

The new store has about four times the space as the previous shop, we were told.

We don't really know if Good Stuff's move was successful, since we didn't want to pry, but the more commodious retail space enables the shop's goods to be displayed in a much more handsome fashion.

While we were there, we chatted up the girl behind the counter, a cute college coed who's working there for the summer.

That's when Scooter observed that people around here think they have to drive to Houston to buy nice home furnishings.

The cute college coed said Good Stuff's owner was in Dallas at that very moment picking out a bunch of new stuff at Big D's "Market" to bring back down to Good Stuff.

"Well, she better not bring back too good a stuff cause this is a Wal-Mart kinda town, not a good stuff kinda town," I opined.

"Oh shutup," Scooter said.

The cute college coed chuckled.

Anyhow, Scooter likes the place so much she had her niece fly down from Oklahoma, pick out a bunch of new stuff for a house she just purchased, and haul it back in a U-Haul.

FrankenBushStein

The Democrats are doing to the Republicans what the Republicans did to the Democrats in opposing presidential judicial appointments. Tit for tat. Politics as usual. What goes around comes around. This time, though, the Democratic National Committee has decided to break it all down real simple-like, to its basic, cartoon-like core, so the unwashed, Rugrats-watching masses can, like, understand it all via a new cartoon that is making the Web rounds. You be the judge.

Who could lead Texas?

The next governor of California could be Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The next U.S. Senator from Ohio could be Jerry Springer.

And Texas could be sucking hind teat for political celebrity oomph.

Gov. Rick Perry? Pffhhtt.

The average Texan on the street couldn't name him.

U.S. Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison? Political junkies -- and old timers who remember her from her days as a Channel 2 reporter in Houston -- know her, sort of, but she's not People magazine material.

And, quick, what's the name of the state's other senator?

Is there a Texan (native or otherwise) who could step to the fore to close the impending celebrity gap?

Who could raise the Lone Star to new political heights?

Willie Nelson?

Nolan Ryan?

Mickey Gilley?

Dan Rather?

Owen Wilson?

Dr. Phil?

Roger Staubach?

Bobby Knight?

Mike Judge?

Billy Gibbons?

A.J. Foyt?

George Strait?

Tommy Lee Jones?

Larry McMurtry?

The Dixie Chicks chick?

Marvin Zindler?

Anna Nicole Smith?

Yao Ming?

Bob Schieffer?

Don Meredith?

Sissy Spacek?

Earl Campbell?

Farrah Fawcett?

The possibilities, from Lance Armstrong to Jamie Foxx to Rene Zellweger, are almost too numerous for linkage.

More About Fleas

We received some advice about dealing with fleas, but before that, this is how our home flea problem began.

Our bassett hound, Max, was acting more peculiar than usual. His howling, which is sort of normal, had taken on a tragic quality. He wandered up to different windows in the backyard to vocalize. Then he went into the far corner of the backyard and crawled into the dog house. The dog house had been hauled back there to be out of the way. He never goes into it.

Scooter became very concerned. She decided to take him to the vet the next morning. But before that, she brought him into the kitchen and tied his leash to the doorknob so she could comfort him while she continued her international business deals via the computer.

The vet determined Max had an "obstruction." It appeared to be a small baby's sock he had swallowed. Weird, really weird, since there aren't any babies around here. Anyway, it was extricated and Max felt like a whole new dog. How howling returned to normal.

Trouble is, the "quality time" he was afforded inside the house resulted in a virulent flea incursion. And, boy, can those suckers leap. We're talking Spiderman-like leaps.

The timing was awful. Soon thereafter, weekend guests (Scooter's brother and niece) arrived. We had set off several of those flea foggers beforehand, but they weren't entirely effective. The fleas, which suck the blood of warm-blooded mammmals, took a particular liking to the ankles of Scooter's niece, who phoned home to announce, "Aunt Scooter has fleas!"

We were mortified and called for professional help.

Hence, yesterday's news tip.

Now, a reader from out West (Huntington Beach, Calif.) wrote with some advice that could save you an exterminator's flea control fee. Here's the email:


"Hi, Scooter:

I have two cats and two dogs, so fleas have been a
problem. Here's the solution:

Use Sevin dust (Ortho makes it, but it's available
under other brands) and borax powder (usually found in
the laundry soap section of the store). Dust carpets
with Sevin & let it set for about 15 - 30 minutes,
then vacuum. This kills adult fleas.

Dust with borax powder, and work it into carpet w/ a
broom. This dessicates any eggs, and the residual
Sevin will kill any adult fleas. When done, give the
animals a flea bath, and that should do you for the
summer!

Caveat - you should test a hidden section of the
carpet for colorfastness with both the Sevin dust and
borax before applying to the entire carpet!

Lee Webber
Left-coast pet owner

;-) "

News Tip: FLEA INVASION

We were thrilled to see that the Clute-based daily followed up on our brief report about the old Post Office's new occupants.

Now, here's another news tip.

Brazosport has been invaded by millions -- no, probably BILLIONS -- of fleas.

Check the shelves of the local stores -- their flea fogging products are noticeably diminished, if not completely wiped out, by local citizens desperate to rid their homes of fleas.

Pesticide professionals say this is an unually bad year for the wingless, blood-sucking insects that feed on warm-blooded animals.

Moreover, they say Environmental Protection Agency rules have restricted pest control professionals from using certain flea-killing agents -- so it's harder than ever to kill the tiny vermin.

They advise flea-afflicted homeowners to vacuum their homes -- A LOT.

The chemicals they do use will kill the fleas that have hatched, but it won't kill their eggs. Get those with your vacuum.

Footnote: it was fleas that carried the bubonic plague to Europe back in the Middle Ages, according to medical historians.

Look here for more than you'll ever want to know about fleas. Good luck!

Ballpark cell phones

Does it irritate you if, say, you're at an Astros game and someone near you starts yakking on a cell phone? Do you want to rip the phone out of the yakker's hand and toss it onto the field and tell the offending party that if he paid more attention to the pitch count instead of speaking loudly on his cell about the hot new girl at the office, that maybe everyone around him would enjoy the game more? Would you change your mind if you could order your hot dog and Coca-Cola with your cellphone, thereby avoiding the possibility of missing a play that determined the outcome of the game? Some day soon you may have that opportunity, according to the Wall Street Journal, which says some minor league teams are enabling fans to punch in a code on their cell phones to order their food from their seats. Not a bad idea. Now, if only your cell phone could take a piss for you, you wouldn't miss a pitch.

LJ's `Great Wall'

Question: which took longer to build, the Great Wall of China or The Local Center in Lake Jackson?
Answer: can't say yet, they're still building The Local Center.

When it's finished, though, the structure looks to be a nice addition to the moribund downtown of LJ.

Still, it seems as if the building has taken an inordinately long time to build. The reason, to us, seems obvious. The builders are using Third World construction methods to build it. Specifically, they're constructing the building brick-by-brick, or, more specifically, cinderblock-by-cinderblock. Now, that construction method is still widely used in North America, so the builders of The Local Center are not alone in employing such old-fashion methods.

Still, for everyone's edification, it should be known there are much better and MUCH FASTER ways to erect buildings. Instead of stacking one cinderblock on top of another, one can use pre-cast panels of concrete.

Here's how.

We realize that the old ways die hard, but The Local Center could have been built in less than a week using this method. Really.

Meanwhile, we notice that an engineering and automation specialty company is going to move into the old post office building on That Way, which should put to rest, finally, the rumor that the building would house Lake Jackson's first gay bar.

Attention

R.E.M. is making a comeback. Check it out.

A Dow Striker Speaks

Banjo,
I'm glad the strike is over. Most people only lost 6-8 days pay or there abouts. I knew that Dow was not going to give in to this union unless it was to Dow's benefit. We signed the same contract that we had voted against which initiated the strike. I think that union leadership knew it was hopeless and the International had already recommended we accept the contract. Who know's what the turn out could have been. I know that there was a bunch of guys that did not want to lose there jobs over all this. We have good pay and good benefits. I don't want to be job hunting. There are not a lot of jobs that pay this well or with benefits. I do believe that if the contract would have been rejected this last time there was people ready to go back in. How many I do not know. I did not want to be considered a "scab" for the rest of my Dow career. I did not want to strike and did not want to cross. I wanted my job and my union. That is how many that I talked to felt. It was a very scary time, from the time we rejected the first contract until the contract was ratified.

His Hand on the Pulse

Yet another stirring editorial from local scribe Kelly "Hee Haw" Hawes, who reports that everyone's glad the Dow operator's strike is over. It's this kind of journalism, where The Local Daily's editorial page is deftly used to not only straddle the fence but state the obvious, that has spawned the ongoing campaign to name the almost-complete FM 2004 overpass after Hawes, who leaves it to "others" to say who came out on top in the labor dispute. We're pretty sure Dow won, but since the local paper is leaving the call up to others, well, maybe we're wrong, since when the roll call up yonder is called for Journalism's greats, they'll not only be calling the names of Breslin and Royko, but also the name Mr. Hawes.

Our Man in Austin

Hometown Hero Dennis Bonnen, the state Representative from Angleton, has made the cover of a statewide publication thanks to his leading role in dismantling environmental regulations in Texas.

It was only a few years ago that Bonnen seemed to be just a piece of the Legislature furniture as he didn't seem to do much to raise anyone's attention.

Boy, has that ever changed.

Now Bonnen is being depicted as a tool of the chemical industry who stalks the floor of the Texas House cracking his GOP bullwhip and hissing at colleagues who cross him.


Bonnen, who never met a newspaper photographer he didn't like on the local seen, is depicted on the cover page of the latest Texas Observer in a photo that is hopelessly outdated. One wonders if the liberals at TO did this on purpose, just to give Bonnen a media wedgie.

A more recent photo of the lawmaker is featured on an inside page, a picture that makes Bonnen appear to be on the back end of a three-day bender.

Yes, the two photos really are of the same person, lending further evidence to the old adage that a few years public office adds 25 years of wear and tear to a politician's visage.

Anyway, to his credit, or discredit, depending on your political stripes, Bonnen is lauded by the Observer for one of the bills he sponsored.

Overall, though, they pretty much place him at the top of the Darth Vader category of public officials.

Crazy, man, crazy.

Union Ends Dow Strike

It's all over, even the shouting. Now that they're back on the job, the operating engineers will have to ask themselves, `What did we accomplish?' If anyone has any ideas, let us know, cause from our vantage point, it looks like Dow Chemical showed the union who's boss. Union link

Seniority changes to be phased in under new Dow offer; striking operators to vote Wednesday

The strike by Dow operators appears to be nearing an end as reasonable individuals on both sides of the labor dispute appear to have developed a compromise with which the unionists can live.
We'll see when the striking workers vote on the new Dow offer tomorrow.

Here's the skinny on the proposed new deal:

* The "7 criteria" used for job movement (which was the seniority issue) will be implemented over time instead of all at one time.
* The 100 severance packages will remain but instead of getting paid 2 weeks pay per year of service they will get 8 days per year of service.
* Instead of taking 54 months for pay progression for new hires, it will be only 48 months.

The last Dow offer was rejected by only 54 votes, but as one union operator who voted in favor of the last offer explained to us, it was a closer vote than that:

"Actually if 28 of the 54 would have voted to accept, it would have passed. 27 would have caused a tie. So really if failed by 27 or 28."

Anyway you slice it, if the new Dow offer is accepted, the old way of doing things based entirely on "seniority" will go the way of the nickel ice cream cone -- poof. I think you'd have to say management won this labor battle if the union accepts. But, on the other hand, if the operators vote to go back to work, they will do so with their eyes open, so let's hope there aren't any hard feelings. We all have bills to pay.

Bonnen's Potty Mouth

State Rep. Dennis Bonnen, R-Angleton, brought shame upon himself in today's Clute-based daily newspaper when he told a reporter that if District Attorney Jeri Yenne "would pull her head out" she would understand the importance of a bill he supports in the Texas Legislature. On the playground, in the oil field, in lockerrooms and other places where boisterous banter often is exhanged, when one is told to pull one's head out, it typically refers to the pulling of one's head out of one's ass. It is usually reduced to the shorthand version by deleting the specific reference to "ass." Its aim is to infer ignorance on the party who is being advised to remove his head from his rectal canal. While we enjoy the colofully turned phrase and celebrate the richness of our language, we think Rep. Bonnen shows bad form for airing his grievance against Mrs. Yenne in such a manner. It shows poor judgment and a lack of civililty on a man who, after all, is elected to represent thousands of Brazoria Countians, many of whom would never dare employ such language among mixed company or in the area's news media. We believe Mr. Bonne owes Mrs. Yenne an apology.

Unionist Insists "It's Not About The Money

Mr Banjo Jones,
I read your article about the Dow strike where you said "Of course it's about the money. It's always about the money." Well you are 100% wrong. We are wanting to keep our senority and not let these guys bust this union like they have all the rest of the unions. If it was about the money we'd be in there making money and not outside not being able to pay our bills. You sound anti-union just like Tommy Block. I'm wanting to go back to work right now and I don't make the big dollars. I'm half price, I was not ready for this and I have nothing put back to help me with. But I do stand behind my union.
(Name of writer withheld by editor)

The Dow Strike

FREEPORT -- The picket signs being carried outside the Dow Chemical plant say "It's Not About The Money."

Of course it's about the money.

It's always about the money.

The striking operating engineers want to preserve the sacrosanct seniority system while Dow wants some changes.

Translation: it's about the money.

Our souces inside the plant say the "locked-in" employees are working 12-hour shifts and sleeping on air bags spread on the floor.

Dow didn't build its plant with locked-in workers in mind, so it really doesn't have adequate facilities, like bathrooms and showers, to handle thousands for an extended sleepover. Already, folks inside are getting cranky and family members on the outside aren't happy, either.

For the last several weeks, in anticipation of a strike, Dow has trained managers and non-union workers in how to handle various tasks they normally don't handle, from running forklifts to making sure the right dials are turned so the plant doesn't blow sky high. So, sure, they can keep the plant going. But the workers who are locked inside the plant aren't getting paid to work 24 hours per day, even though they're required to be on the job 24 hours per day. Sound fair? One hundred twenty-five bucks pay for 12 hours of off-duty time inside the bowels of Dow is not going to make the Dow faithful happy campers.

Some workers bought their own TVs to work. Dow said it was OK to bring in videos so long as they were "appropriate." We're not sure if R-Rated comports with Dow's definition of appropriate, but given events of the last couple years over alleged Internet-related sexual harassment, we're guessing those still working inside the plant are limiting themselves to G, PG and possibly PG-13 rated entertainment.

The Dow-supplied food "isn't too bad," one worker advised, but already the guys and gals inside are joking about making a call to Domino's to have pizzas delivered somewhere along the fenceline. Fat chance.

Our sources say 4 union operators aren't obeying the strike and elected to stay inside the plant and keep working once the job action was called. But, word on the street has it that another 60 unionists already have decided they want to return to work and have made calls in to the plant to see when and where to show up to go back on the job.

With the picketers dawdling in front of the trucks headed into Dow, conflict is inevitable, which is why Dow obtained a court order Wednesday to stop the operators from illegally blocking traffic. Yeah, it's gonna get a lot uglier before it gets prettier.